How I Have Changed and How You Have Fixed Me
by kolkitty
Summary: The ESP is finally going to fall and Mikan is charging in head-long to end it. Natsume and her friends are going to be right there behind her doing the best that they can. Natsume is nervous though. He sees changes in her. Will she come out the same smiley baka he fell in love with or will she be broken? First chapter fic will upload as frequently as possible.
1. Chapter 1

*Boom Boom* *Crash* *Huff Huff* _Damn! The ESP is too strong I can't… _Outside Mikan's room alices clashed mid air and screams echoed from everywhere. Mikan was trying desperately to break through the barrier that kept her trapped but so far not much progress had been made. She wanted… no needed to be out there. She knew she could help. She desperately fought through her tears.

"Come on stupid barrier let me get to my friends. Oh Kami let them be alright!"

Suddenly the barrier was gone and Mikan fell over before quickly getting up and running because in this situation, lives depended on it. Finally she reaches the grounds and with a pounding heart stares at the scene before her. Her friends, Z, her senpais, even Narumi sensei all fighting. It was awesome and terrible.

Suddenly she saw Hotaru fighting inside one of her newer inventions alongside her brother. The thing was monstrous. It towered at seven feet tall and looked like a robot out of one of Natsume's mangas she saw once. Only thing was the head looked just like that of a panda bear.

One of the robot's giant hands reached out and picked something up. When Mikan looked close enough she recognized the figure as Ruka-pyon. Ruka was calling the animals. Soon she could see Pyo. She was bigger than when she last saw him. He suddenly crashed into the ESP's building. The ground shook and suddenly something tugged on her pig-tail.

"Oi, little girl what are you doing here."

Hearing this Mikan suddenly whirled around and gave the speaker a hug.

"Having not seen me for months the least you could do is give me a kiss," Natsume said while pointing to his lips.

"H-h-h- hentai! Natsume you fox! We need to help our friends!"

"Yes, Yes. I know polkadots. Which is why…"

Suddenly Natsume was taken over by a hacking cough. His body shook and a faint red stained his hands. He wiped his hands on his pants too fast for Mikan to see though. He had already used a lot of his alice protecting his friends and trying to find Mikan.

Mikan's eyes portrayed her nervousness but quickly widened again when she heard Ryo's voice. It came from behind her and sounded choppy. It wasn't at all charismatic or containing any hint of his alice. His breathing was labored and sounded forced. When Mikan turned to see him she saw he was wearing A LOT of restraining devices. Tsubasa-senpai had him trapped and was forcing him to bind himself in rope making him unable to move any further.

Tsubasa turned to see Mikan and a smile appeared on his face followed by a small grimace. He strode over and gave his kouhai a quick hug irritating the fire caster and put Mikan down before speaking.

"Mikan I am glad you are free because it is a sign that the ESP is weakening but it is not safe right now and we have already had a few casualties and I don't want that to happen to my favorite kouhia."

Mikan understood that Tsubasa was concerned but she also knew that she has to help. The ESP had kept her locked up for a reason and she knew exactly how she needed to stop him.

"I understand Tsubasa-senpai but I cannot hide! I know how to stop him and I am the only one who can. Please feel free to help me but please do not try to stop me."

Now it was Natsume's turn to grimace. He was used to calling this girl before him a baka but that sentence had proved this to be wrong. Something had changed in her in the past couple months that he had not seen her. He felt a stab of guilt as he wondered if she had changed because he had not been able to rescue her.

"Little girl, I can't allow you to do that. I will be going with you and if I think you to be in mortal peril I will try to stop you."

"Good that's what I was hoping you would say. Now come on Natsume I am going to go do something stupid."


	2. Chapter 2

Any readers out there yet? I got really ambitious and started to type up the second chapter a few hours after the first but that was too much. Let me know if it is confusing yet. I didn't realize until after I started writing how long it has been since I read Gakuen Alice (#^_^#) *blushing* Sorry if I get details messed up or add things!

Ch. 2

"Something stupid huh, sounds just like you polkadots."

Another grimace. This is not going to be good.

Mikan runs towards the elementary school office and Natsume follows.

"Oi, Polkadots! Don't you think we should get Imai and Nogi before we head off into this self-inflicted suicide mission?"

"No, Hotaru and Ruka-Pyon have their own things to worry about. I really need them to keep distracting the enemy and you to back me up. I know that you hate the whole school and don't care if Z takes over but I need to take down the ESP for everything he has done to the people that I love. Including you Natsume."

There was no playfulness in her voice and Natsume couldn't see her face to tell what her expression was but he knew she probably wasn't smiling. This Mikan seemed bitter and darker than usual. He worried more and more that the darkness that consumed him was slowly creeping up and closing out the few rays of sunshine he had left. He couldn't let that happen. Without the idiotic smile, Mikan didn't seem so much like Mikan anymore.

They had stopped running. They were outside the main entrance to the building and they were both holding their breath. The air was oddly silent outside and when Mikan tried the door it was unlocked. Natsume knew as well as Mikan this should not have been this easy. Even without the training from his missions he knew this. The baka in front of him insisted on entering anyway.

"I'm not stupid Natsume. I know it's a trap. But I also know better than you though, that to beat the ESP you have to play by his rules. This is his game after all… I know that now…"

Not for the first time Natsume wondered what had happened to her when she was locked up.

"Come on Natsume, you have played by Persona's rules for too long. This is a new game and I plan to win."

"Persona was always a sore winner anyway."

The failed attempt at humor added a layer of ominous dark clouds to the already tense atmosphere. Natsume worried. The last time he had seen her she was crying. He didn't believe in what Hotaru said. He did not find Mikan to be 30% uglier when she cried but he sure didn't like it.

"I'm sorry Natsume. We will win this game. Follow me."

A small smile. It hardly turned up the corner of her mouth but it returned a little faith and longing to his heart. When he had seen her on the school grounds he had missed her and wanted to kiss her. He hoped she was right and when this game was over and done with they could go back and make up for lost time.

Mikan was thinking other things. She was angry. Maybe for the first time in her life she was lived. Not in the Natsume saw my underwear again or the Hotaru hit me with her Baka Gun again but in the pure sense of the word. She felt no mercy. Every step towards the office drove away other thoughts. If she had not worked so hard on controlling her new alices she would have stolen Natsume's alice by now and set the whole building on fire. She was pissed at the ESP for killing her mom; destroying Natsume, Youichi, Nobara, and countless other children's innocence by forcing them on missions and isolating them from other children; and most of all for instilling in these children the belief that they were all different, that they couldn't fit in with other people and cutting them off from their parents.

No coherent thoughts occupied Mikan's mind as she entered the office room and stared at the back of the man to blame. He wasn't much taller than her in physical appearance but the look in his eyes as he turned to face her showed no sign of any desire to give up.

"Ah, Mi-chan. You have found me. What do you want from me hmm?"

"I want you to leave. No strings attached. Cut off all ties to this school, these people. Oh, and on another thought your alice and a sincere apology."

"Hahaha, Mi-chan you ask so much. When have I not provided you with what you wanted though."

His voice adopted a dangerous note.

"When have I denied you anything you wanted!"

"You have taken almost everything from me, Bastard! Oh, and don't call me Mi-chan."

"Why not, hmm? Is that not what your mother called you in your dreams?"

He stepped forward.

"Sakura you cannot win. You can try but I am ten-thousand times as strong as you can even imagined."

"And see. That is where you made a mistake. You are aware of my alice are you not? You know that job my mom started well I am here to complete it. As well as the one both Reo and Narumi-sensei started."

Natsume was taken aback. Mikan was actually planning to kill the ESP this whole time? He couldn't let her do that. He has always been held down by guilt and the blood of others' enemies but he could not let pure Mikan be tainted this way. No way.

"You make me want to laugh! You think you can do anything? You are still under my control! No matter what the fate of the whole of Tokyo and beyond lies within me."

Mikan grimaced. A look totally alien to her normal smiling features and spit on his shoes.

"Then I will be doing Tokyo and beyond a favor."

One step. Then two more. The ESP made no move while Mikan took what seemed an eternity to approach him. When she reached him he smiled. She simply stared and held a hand carefully over his chest, not yet touching him.

"I care not for your last words, BASTARD GET OUT HERE."

As she said this Mikan pushed the copy ESP and turned to face Natsume.

Natsume heard the sound at the same time as Mikan. It sounded like clapping. It came from the corner of the room they had both neglected to watch.

" Very good Mikan. When did you notice it was a copy?"

"Shit."

This was Natsume. How had he not been prepared for this? He should have known.

Persona came out of the shadows.

"The second he didn't notice the weapon I was wielding."

"Oh, and what was that?"

"Something I got from you. I guess you could call it an accidental gift."

At this Persona's eyebrows rose in genuine interest.

"And what was this. Come I'd really like to know what I gave you before I kill both you and… Really you to Natsume-pet."

"Oh, I'd much prefer to demonstrate. Come closer."

At this Mikan lunged taking Persona's mask and pressing her hand to his chest.

"As I thought. You are not immune to your own effects. See I took your limiting device and re-inserted a piece of the stone I formed when I saved myself from your attack the last time we had the pleasure of meeting."

Natsume watched in sick pleasure as his tormentor died slowly before his eyes. This bastard had led him in fear for his friends for years and would no longer.

"Now I believe the dead have no allegiance to the living anymore so why don't you tell me where the ESP is?"

"I don't think so pet."

He coughed and with his last strength lurched forward and grabbed both Natsume and Mikan.

"Ah! Damn… *sharp his of pain* that bastard."

"Mikan!" *Groan*

At the last minute Persona had missed and grabbed Natsume in two places. The inky black splotches and bruise shapes were spreading quickly.

"Shit. Natsume hold still. I need a moment."

"Polkadots! …Smile for me…"

"What the hell Natsume! You are dying let me fix this first."

"Please…"

A tear fell instead. Mikan did not look up after that. The sun started to set and Mikan finally shakily started to sob.

Natsume felt fine but week.

"Oi, little girl what is wrong?"

Natsume's voice was calm but held and so much concern that he felt ready to punch somebody.

"I… I absorbed all of Persona's alice but…"

Here Mikan fell apart again.

"But what?"

"Why didn't you tell me Natsume? Why didn't you tell me you had used so much?"

"Shit. Oi, baka. Come here. I need to tell you something."

Embarrassed and crying Mikan scooted closer to Natsume who was sitting on the floor. Natsume pulled her to him in a sudden display of affection he was not known for.

"Polkadots. My alice type is limiting."

Mikan wanted to hit him. She was angry and sad and confused and messed up. She sobbed harder.

"I didn't tell you because I didn't want to hurt you. You see how hard you are crying. Soaking my shirt like this. I didn't want anything in the air between you and me."

He voice held pain and sadness that Mikan had never heard before.

"I… I didn't mean to… cry into your shirt. You pulled me here… stupid fox…"

Natsume smiled ever so faintly. Mikan's sobs faded and eventually stopped. She suddenly stood and under the moonlight Natsume could see a renewed determination and anger flaring in her eyes. Then her face was a mask. No emotion, and Natsume was more nervous than he was before.

"Let's go now. I don't hear anything. If we wait too long he will get away."

Natsume, fearing the power that Mikan had wielded hours ago trailed her out the door and out of the building wanting nothing more than to see her smile and wished, to the same moon that they had once traded their hearts and alice stones under, that this would end well and that he could protect Mikan.

"Where are we going little girl?"

"Remember Natsume, this is the ESP's game and he believes he has already one. He is going to celebrate his victory. We are going to crash his party."

Lovies and readers 3 In my first one-shot I said I didn't need reviews… I have changed my mind! I really love reviews! One taste and I have fallen victim to the power this one little button has! So please feed my addiction and review for me. who knows? Maybe with your help I can churn out chapters faster! Jk I'll post chapters no matter the lack of reviews… though… *sniff* it may not be my best work… love you thanks for reading! Here is a waffle (#)(^_^)


	3. Chapter 3

I am so so so so so so so so so so sorry. If anybody reads this I am so grateful to you. I will try harder to post more often from now on I promise. If you guys want to help though…. That would be very much appreciated! I am at a loss sometimes and any suggestion can help me get back on track and remind me to write so let me know, K?

**Flash back** (because the author sucks and takes forever to post anything):

"Let's go now. I don't hear anything. If we wait too long he will get away."

Natsume, fearing the power that Mikan had wielded hours ago trailed her out the door and out of the building wanting nothing more than to see her smile and wished, to the same moon that they had once traded their hearts and alice stones under, that this would end well and that he could protect Mikan.

"Where are we going little girl?"

"Remember Natsume, this is the ESP's game and he believes he has already one. He is going to celebrate his victory. We are going to crash his party."

Silence cloaked the school grounds of a school called Alice Academy. Few people walked by and those who did could see a distinct difference in the schools atmosphere.

Inside the school was quiet too. Everyone was just standing still as if they were waiting for something. Or perhaps someone…

ESP had Reo. Reo was being to sing at gun point. His lyrics portrayed a message of trust in the ESP and an easy surrender. All were quiet. Listening. Some were even swaying.

In the rafters above were two small figures. The girl has a cold calculating look and the boy was peering at the girl.

"At my signal you get the gun and I will get Reo. After that… Well let's just say I am the leading lady and you are the stage hand."

"Mikan. Tell me what you are going to do."

"No Natsume. Promise me you won't interfere no matter what."

"…"

"Please…. Natsume I need to do this… I think I'm the only one who can."

"I can't promise that Mikan… I need you to live. And you sound like what you're planning is fatal."

"I won't die Natsume. Just… Stay away… get the gun and stand back."

Natsume gives in with a small nod and Mikan motions him to ready himself.

All at once they leap onto the stage. Natsume kicks the gun out of the ESP's hand and Mikan pushes Reo down and holds his head to the floor. He is unable to sing and the crowd slowly awakens. Startled shouts rise up from the crowd as people begin to recognize what is happening. Not more than a year and a half earlier this had happened, only it was Narumi-sensei doing the threatening not their high-spirited Mikan-chan.

"So what's your next move? You have any more copies hanging around or did you think that you would have won with that last stunt involving Persona?"

The venomous contempt belonged to Mikan. Natsume was still pointing a gun at the ESP's head.

ESP was literally stunned. All of his composure was lost. He was standing on the threshold of death. He knew now that nothing he did could make any difference.

Check and mate.

"Shoot."

"What did you say to me you dirty piece of scum?"

"I said Mrs. Sakura, 'shoot'."

"No. You see it would be too nice of me to kill you the quick way. I want to see you suffer. I am going to take your alice away so slowly that you can feel each and every one of your copies die. Let you lose yourself a bit at a time and then I will shoot. You have no power over me."

And with that she spit on him. It was such a "un-Mikan" thing for her to do and Natsume almost wanted to laugh. His hands were shaking. He could tell Mikan wasn't bluffing she was going to do this. And she did.

Pebble by tiny pebble the ESP's alice was extracted from him. Eventually it was just Mikan, Natsume, and the ESP kneeling on the ground. Mikan was exhausted and the ESP was writhing in pain. Eventually she got up and brushed the dirt off of her clothes.

"Step back Natsume and hand me the gun."

Her voice shook and her whole body trembled. A shot rang in the air but it wasn't Mikan who had fired it. The ESP had shot himself.

Mikan screamed.

Natsume held her and tried to soothe her soflty.

This chapter is dedicated to LadyElica because her favoriting my story is what motivated me to post this chapter. And because she has given me a signal that somebody is reading my crappy stories… :P please give me a sign… Is anybody else out there?


	4. Chapter 4

I recently realized that I am really bad at remembering to add disclaimers to my stories. So here it is. I do not own anything. All rights go to their respective owners who probably have more money than I do… Here's chapter four lovies

*step step step* The sound was almost imperceptible. The person walking did not want to be heard. Mikan wanted to be alone. It had been a week since the ESP had committed suicide. She had not shed a tear since. Nor had she smiled.

She was never by herself. Hotaru and Natsume made sure of that. Hotaru blackmailed more than ever now. Nobody was safe from her pictures and videos. It was like she never slept. Night and day she was outside or stalking people through the hallways and classrooms of the school.

Natsume couldn't sleep either. Whenever he closed his eyes he pictured Mikan screaming. He saw her fire a gun and kill the ESP herself. He imagined the blood staining her hands and her frantic attempts to wipe it off. Most of all, though, he saw the dark. He saw black creeping up around the edges of his vision like a burning film.

Mikan was headed to her sakura tree. She was furious. She didn't want to sleep. When she did she didn't have nightmares. She didn't wake up screaming or covered in sweat. Instead when she slept she pictured her mother's face. Her mother didn't speak a word but disappointment clouded her face. In this dream Mikan tried to speak. She tried to tell her mother that she tried. That she would have killed him if only he hadn't killed himself first.

This is what made her the angriest. In the end he still had dictated everything. In the end she still hadn't been able to stop him from controlling who killed him. In the end he was in charge, he killed himself.

She reached the tree and punched the trunk. She released all her pent up anger unto the bark of the tree. Petals rained down on her like pink drops of water. Eventually she stopped and examined the damage. The tree had taken none but her knuckles bled onto the grass beneath her. She sighed. The universe seemed hell bent on keeping her from hurting anything.

"Why!" She whispered this to the sky. "It's not like I am an innocent baka anymore. That bastard made sure of it… So why can't I do what I want? Why couldn't I even kill him myself when I so rightly deserved to?"

Nobody answered but she didn't really expect anyone to. She knew she was alone.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Natsume was looking out his window. The school was in the middle of being repaired and rebuilt. Not only because of the after-effects of the fighting, but also because the change of scenery was therapeutic. Natsume felt strange. Every night he came back to his room. He no longer had missions at night. He didn't sleep though for fear of the nightmares. He sat in his room. He hadn't used his alice in what felt like years. He felt stronger than ever but something was gnawing at his insides. He hadn't spoken to Mikan since the night the ESP had died. They hadn't had classes for the past week and so far as he knew she hadn't spoken with anyone at all.

Not even Koko could read her mind. He'd asked.

"I am really sorry Natsume. I tried but she has had her shields up around the clock."

Natsume growled. Koko backed up his hands raised in surrender but a slight, goofy grin present on his face. Apparently Natsume's mind was open to reading.

_Better not or I will burn you to a crisp. I swear it._

His failed attempts at getting close to Mikan from far away did nothing to satiate the growing pit inside so he just sat in his room. Ruka had come around a couple times but the fire-caster was so unresponsive he thought it better to leave him be.

It was like Natsume was in a coma. He was slowly healing but at the same time unable to do anything for anyone else. Time and time again he had cursed his alice and alice type but now that he wasn't putting it to use it was doing nothing for anyone.

In the dark hours of the night when he couldn't sleep he imagined that he had the nullification alice. That he was able to save somebody instead of always hurting others. He pictured himself, the valiant hero and saving Mikan from her instead of just watching from a distance.

These scenarios hurt almost as much as the nightmares though. Once they ended reality would always give him a cold hard slap in the face. He would remember that it was Mikan who had to save him. He remembered how she found out his alice was killing him. He remembered the pain that she shouldered and how she didn't smile anymore.

He remembered until one night he broke down and cried.

That night he resolved to fix what he felt he had watched break. Without any restraints or any one controlling his life anymore he promised he would fix Mikan.

Whew! This is depressing right now I know but it will get better. We had to allow everyone their alone time to deal though. Also some side notes. This is just my version of a continuation of Gakuen Alice. It's how I would like it to end, you know the final battle where the ESP dies and good triumphs over evil! But in all seriousness (I know there has been a lot of it…) Mikan, after all of this, really couldn't have been expected to stay innocent and naïve. She has been put through too much. Love you! Thanks for reading!


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